Excerpts from “John’s Retarded List”
John and Sara are on vacation for a week and have entrusted Rachel and I to the care of their home. Sara left a fairly normal list of things to do (feed the animals, etc.) while John left a more unorthodox one:
- No sex in my bed
- No ordering on-demand porn
- Make sure you pray before bed
- In my absence, please fulfill my roll as town drunk at Palomino on Wednesday and Landmark on Saturday
- If you take a shower here please keep your testicles far away from my loofah
And to top it all off:
- Leave me all your money